I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
