I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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