After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
