i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
