i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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