This dress was meant to end up on your floor
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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