mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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