the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
