where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
