please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
