sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He kissed a someone with a penis
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
