God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
