You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
