I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
