I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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