Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
40s are totally the cure
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
