My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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