Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
