what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
