i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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