I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
