We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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