I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
