are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
sarcasm needs its own font
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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