During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
