I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
