You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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