I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
