Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
