Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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