In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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