he thought i was a dude.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
