Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
