This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
