I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Bring me that man meat
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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