You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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