fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
