there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
