Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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