Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
