Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
