Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
