how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
