Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
