he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
