And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
