evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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