i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
