Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
nutella sex= disaster
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
