I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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